More or Less Awkward

There are things in life that I will always strive to understand. People and their emotions are one of the main ones. What makes us care about some people more than others? What is it that can cause our feelings to change? Why do we love some people, while others seem to have traits that we can’t get past? How can things seem to be going fine one minute and not the next? I know that you can’t force who you care about or change how you feel. The only thing that you can control is the way that you react to it. But your feelings, you have no control over. But what is it that makes us care about someone, enjoy their company, maybe even finding them attractive, but yet, still not having that be enough to want to be with them? I think we’ve all felt it at one time or another. Wanting to care about someone in a relationship type way, yet the necessary part just isn’t there. Starting off a relationship and wanting it to progress, and then coming to realize that it just isn’t going to happen that way. And it can crush you when you come to this realization. I don’t think that most people WANT to hurt someone else. I don’t think that it is an act of malice or spite to end a relationship because you realize that it’s not what you thought it was going to be. Overall, the action is kinder to end it sooner rather than later, though the victim of such action will be hurt either way. Is it not better to let them know early on rather than lead them on? I know being on the receiving end, it doesn’t always feel that way. I wonder what would happen if it was given a proper chance. Or what it was that I did that caused their feelings to change. When maybe in fact, it was nothing.

“It wasn’t meant to be.” It’s such a cliche. But most things become cliche because it is true. But what makes it true? Why did it seem right at the start and then become an impossibility? Why do we feel a certain way for some people and not for others? What causes our feelings to change? -Especially in such a short amount of time- It makes sense if over years feelings change. Life changes us. But it’s when it’s in a course of days and weeks, what is it that changes inside of us that makes us realize that a relationship isn’t going to work out? What makes us want to be friends with some people, be attracted to them, but still not want a relationship? And taking that a step further-being able to logically see that the relationship could be a good and positive thing, yet still not want to pursue a relationship.

What makes us feel a certain way? What causes our feelings to change? What makes one person a better fit than another? What makes us want one person over another? These are things I may never know, but yet I still strive to understand. I think that people are interesting, frustrating, confusing creatures. And these are things I will probably never understand. Life is full of unanswered questions. This is just another to add to the vault.

Not quite broken, but enough that it hurts. Maybe more like heart fractured…

More from the chance we didn’t have and the love we hadn’t experienced…

Heart fractured… yeah, that’s what I am…

I lie awake and think of you

Your arms around me

Your lips pressed against mine.

I don’t know if this will last forever,

I don’t know if I want it too…

But I love that you’re with me now.

They stood together on the top of forever
Looking down at the ruins of past
Somehow-together they made it
Though nothing material did last

They look up to stare at the night sky
When was it more than a thought?
Was it when he first said hello
Or when their eyes first caught?

It’s impossible to know that forever
Will be around when you first start anew.
True, it’s what most will hope for
But it’s rare that a pairing will do

When she looks in his eyes, she sees it
The strength that made it to the end
Because not only is this man a lover
He is also her most trusted friend.

They stood on top of forever
Battered, but not broken down
Somehow they finally made it
And safety was finally found.